A resume is an important professional artifact but it doesn’t actually tell anyone much about the real person whose milestones and details it lists, in a depressingly antiseptic fashion. So, I thought I would share a bit about who I really am, what’s important to me, and what you get when you see me IRL. In, out, nobody gets hurt.
- I was born in Detroit, Michigan; and moved to Chicago (suburbs) 6 weeks later. After that, I lived in Orange County, California (before it was weird); Chicago (those damn suburbs, again); Bloomington, Indiana; London, England; Cuenca, Ecuador; and Envigado, Colombia (some people consider it part of Medellín); with short stints in Naples, Florida; Vero Beach, Florida; Jackson, Wyoming; Cochise County, Arizona; Zurich, Switzerland; Melbourne, Australia; Herefordshire, UK; Breda, The Netherlands; Prague, Czech Republic; and Vancouver, British Columbia.
- II currently live in my van, named “Motivational Housing,” a homage to Matt Foley’s, a motivational speaker who lived down by the river (IYKYK). Retired, I volunteer at various national parks and recreation sites across the country, including Jackson National Fish Hatchery, Fort Bowie National Historic Site, and Chiricahua National Monument. People tell very revealing stories when on vacation.
- Even though I lived in South America, my Spanish is dreadful. There are two very good reasons for this: When I lived in Ecuador, everyone always wanted to practice English (or possibly avoid having to listen to a gringa accent) and because I was in school all day, every day, learning in English. Estas excusas son poco convincentes, lo sé.
- While my Spanish is wanting, I am able to mime “breadcrumbs” in Swiss German.
- I solo traveled around the globe 1 1/2 times with one carry-on and a backpack small enough to be a personal item. Never underestimate the value of packing light.
- I’ve traveled to 35 countries: USA, Canada, Mexico, Argentina, Peru, Colombia, Uruguay, Venezuela, Ecuador, Jamaica, Martinique, Saint Martin, Grenada, BVI, Barbados, Curaçao, Vietnam, Malaysia, United Arab Emirates, Turkey, Ireland, Scotland, England, Wales, France, Italy, Austria, Czechia, Poland, Hungary, Slovakia, Germany, The Netherlands, Belgium, Australia. I never seem to get to the tourist sites in any place I land but I have definite eaten with the locals in virtually every destination.
- I was in Istanbul, Turkey, when Pokémon GO launched, and I am nerdy enough to have played. That night there was a military coup. The next day I deleted my account because it felt frivolous to have been playing a game when violence was brewing. Ignorance is never as bliss-y as they say.
- The most rewarding part of traveling around the world was housesitting. I stayed in an adobe house on a Native American reservation; on a First Nation reservation in British Columbia; and in a couple of bucolic hamlets in rural England, where I was often invited to tea at the neighbors but was never actually served or offered tea during any of those visits. I did have many beers, a few Scotches, and entirely too much Christmas cake for one human.
- When I applied for PhD programs, each of the schools required a whole slew of quantitative classes before I officially started the programs because of my lifelong avoidance of math. I figured I should take those classes at the best institution I could get into instead of just checking them off at any old school. Babson it was — where I not only earned a solid A in every quant class I took, I graduated valedictorian. Never assume you “aren’t good at something.” I have done nothing with my new-found math skills.
- My most common nickname is Ellie; my personal favorite nickname is my DJ name, Vitamin E; and my most creative (and accurate) nickname is “Typo Mary.” Since nothing on this website was edited by anyone else, please excuse the typos (and I hope they aren’t contagious)!
- My karaoke song is Telephone Line by ELO. I am not much of a karaoke-r but when I do, it’s ELO all the way, baby.
- My favorite author is Isak Dinesen (Karen Blixen) and I even named my first dog Babette for her novel Babette’s Feast. I was also mom to three other dogs, Ralph, Chloe, & Scout; cats Buddha and Princess Pea; and a bunch of chickens with chicken-y names like Pot Pie, Drumstick, Dumpling.
- Regarding those chickens, I used to have a small flock in my Chicago backyard, where I also had a three-season hoop house for growing vegetables. Eventually the front yard was given over to food as well and neighbors would come by to harvest herbs and even vegetables when the harvest was too much for one single lady to consume.
- I joke that I am a 12-year-old boy in a middle-aged lady body. I am not sure how that happened but there’s something to say for jumping in puddles and playing zombie basketball.
- I was lucky enough to eat Paul Kahan’s food multiple times a week, for years — as a job. It ruined me for all restaurants everywhere. But I still enjoy me a nosh from a good food cart.
- The person who convinced me to get my sommelier certificate was my dad’s brain surgeon. Oddest moment during my wine studies: Belinda Chang telling me to dump a handful of actual grass into a sauvignon blanc to learn about “grassy notes.” It worked, but don’t try it at home.
- I blogged everyday back in the day when I was building my first technology company, RIA. Blogging every day sucks as much as you think. Now I make sure to read books everyday instead.
- After years of amassing connections, when I finally accepted I had semi-retired, I deleted my Twitter and Instagram profiles and then on FB I deleted everyone I didn’t actually know. I had to start some social media accounts for MBA classes but I keep on purposely forgetting the passwords so don’t follow me.
- I’ve been wonderfully blessed with a gaggle of of spectacular girlfriends who are scattered on a few different continents — they are, each of them, the kind of friend you can not talk to for years and when you finally get back together, the conversation just picks up where it left off. Oh, and we all still look the same no matter how much time has passed.
- When I did the deal with AB-InBev that closed the startup founder chapter of my life, I was in Australia, so I always had to call into the negotiations with the army of AB lawyers at 2am, me in my PJs and them in their suits.
- I love to hike, especially solo, and would love to have a chunk of time to do a thru-hike. I’ve got my sights set on the Greater Patagonian Trail, which is still just coming together and so isn’t really an official thru-hike as much as a general idea of a path that requires much trust in the universe. I think I am getting too old to do this, which sucks.
- I swam competitively throughout my entire youth, raced bikes in college, and ran the Chicago marathon after college. That said, I’ve never done a triathlon. Right now, my jam is recurve archery.
- I’m probably the least nostalgic person you’ll ever meet. While I love and appreciate all the adventures and people and ideas I’ve encountered in life, I tend to look forward instead of back.
- What’s consuming me right now is writing dystopian fiction to help manage my stress about the current political landscape. I’ve completed my first novel, The American Archipelago, and am currently working on The Last American Prophet. Turns out that imagining fictional dystopias is surprisingly therapeutic when dealing with real-world nightmares.
So, That’s Me. Get it touch: ellen@ellenmalloy.com.